Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Top of the mornin' to ya...

I knew that getting up early was imperative to completing this blog. Otherwise, I would have once again, sluffed off, or forget about it. Here I am sitting in my dorm, thinking that it's only the second day of the second semester. Many more semesters to go! I remember loving to go to school so much that I wanted to live there!? Well, that was in first grade, but there was always that natural affection for knowledge. I need to find a way to get that back! I have the least amount of motivation at this point to get through school. There is so much more that I want to do and accomplish. I never was like this in high school. It was only a year ago and I was buzzing around high school like a busy bee. I was doing things for everyone else and finding other ways to keep myself busy. Everyone knew that if they needed something to come to me. Of course I was pleased to do it, this was the outward expression. On the inside I cringed and carried on.
Last semester I was lost. There were so many things that I could do, I just didn't feel like doing it. I did what was required and survived. That's not the Heather that everyone else knows back home. They expect, perhaps demand, so much more out of me. It was exhausting, but a way of life. I guess I started to take more 'me' time in college. The 'id' impulse was kicking in at full speed. That started to get me in trouble!
I am not a person of regrets. So that type of lifestyle had to go. I don't know what clicked, maybe it was the sense of a new start because of the new semester. Maybe, the motivation came from the month of break where I did almost absolutely nada. I believe that most of it came from me. Everyday I am growing and still maturing. I use to hate being the mature one of my friends. It always put me at some sort of distance from them. I knew that we had unconditional love, but I was the one to provide the sort of mothering they all secretly needed. Anyway, through creating myself from experiences, I have started to realize more of purpose in life. I know the way to get there, I just need to stay on the path, and go for it! I guess I gave myself a little slap in the face with the reality stick. "Here I go again on my own!!" that song just seem to pop in my head after writing this...Haha!!
Well I am off. First blog out of the way, not too horribly painful. I have many more things on my agenda for the day. As always, keep yourself in mind, but do mind others for we inhabit this tiny thing called Earth...together!