The big 2-0!! and other happenings in my life.

That's right. I am officially 2o, good bye teenage years. It's a strange sort of feeling, really can't describe it. One part of me is ecstatic because that means a time to celebrate my day o' birth with my friends. The other part is hesitant. If all goes well this means I am a quarter done with my life. The past 20 years have gone by so quickly that it scares me only another 20 fast years I'll be 40. Holy shit. I can't sleep. I keep thinking about my birthday party tomorrow and all the great friends I will see. Some of them I haven't seen in years. So partying tomorrow night err..tonight, shall be an interesting and memorable one at that. Complete and utter mayhem.
I took it easy the night before my party so that I have enough energy to keep up with the outrageous activities that will occur.
**Warning: Sappy, Lovey dovey material ahead, guys may want to his the back button now**
Then there is this extra part of me. It has to do with a boyfriend that I recently starting being 'official' with. His name is Michael. I've known him for years, but up until fall of last semester did things start to take a more serious turn. Before Michael I was dating a guy named Jordan for three years. I wanted to do the whole independent situation since I was going to be a big college student. What an idiot I was last summer, just one of those weird transitional stages of my life where I thought I knew what I was doing but in actuality I was an out of control mess, to say the least. College straightened me out, back to reality, and so long summer chaos. Seeing Michael after this was refreshing. He has friends that go to UW-Madison, and he is in the Marine Corps. stationed in Washington D.C. So when he can he comes and visits. Michael gave me a jingle and I headed on over to party with them all. Sparks flew. The next thing I know, I am missing him wondering how he is doing, and when the next time he would be coming back. This was quite the different feelings I had with other guys in between the Jordan and Michael relationships. Anyway, I got to see him about once a month for a weekend. He invited me to go with him and like 5 of his other guys friends to a skiing trip over winter break. I of course went. Me being the only girl, I quickly brought back the tomboy attitudes I once had a while back and fit right in. This was one of Michael's "tests". (He had been cheated on in the past, so he has some trust issues.) I passed with flying colors and was even dubbed a "brah". He and I talked about being more serious. We both knew it wasn't going to be easy but was something we felt worthwhile to commit to. A month or so later and he is gone overseas. He can't say where he is and how long he'll be gone, just hints. All I do know is that he's 17 hours across the Atlantic Ocean by plane...wherever that is. The truth is that this is the ultimate "test". I have to stay strong for him and open his heart to me. I won't break it, that was a promise. We are at such a fragile state in the relationship. It's very young at this point. He wasn't able to spend Valentine's Day with me and now my birthday he has to miss. I just keep telling myself it will all be worth in the end when he comes home safely. That's the thing though, I worry way too much. Our people are at such turmoil with one another, that killing is the result. I couldn't handle Michael's loss. All I can do is pray and take this day by day. Keeping myself occupied at all times. At night is the worse when I am not busy and realize I am here alone while he and other soldiers are fighting for us to be able to rest our heads in comfort. This only leads me to feel so proud and honored to be his significant other. I can only repay him with my arms for him to return to and my heart. I know I can do this. One and half more years and he's done. Finally then can Michael start his "normal" civilian life with me.

"Semper Fidelis"-Always Faithful
~Marine Corps. Motto~

The Next Big Step is Most Troublesome

I have been in the process of trying to find a house for sophomore year. We had six people all together, but one of which has backed out leaving five. Fabulous. So we all have been looking for a house, with more than one bathroom that is within a reasonable price range. This process is much more harder than just simply listing what you desire. Perhaps you could compare it to finding your soul mate. You could go on about what you are looking for and go through dozens of people that meet those qualities, but end up having some sort of quirks or mishaps in appearance if you are to be so shallow. I don't call it shallowness but perceptively selective. I mean you are going to have to like something you have to look at everyday be it your significant other or your house.
However, even though the house we fell in love with as a whole is more of a dump, we see potential. The diamond in the ruff, so to speak, with endless possibilities. Now one by one my roommates are getting scared off from the mere fact of signing a lease. I understand their caution, but could we just get this flippin' thing over with?! Now...perhaps? There's not much to it, just make sure you have the money every month and you're set. Maybe they see something else that I don't, that gives them great fear. I like change, change is necessary, for if there would be no change, there would be no success. I am just in the mindset of really liking a place to stay next year...how about that? Anywho, I just wish it was easier, but who said anything in life was to be easy. It's just simply not, that is why you have keep an optimistic attitude and keeping doing what you have to do.
Now it is time to find a new place...have to start all over again. We have a house to look at tomorrow around 6 in the evening. Lizard girl picked this one out, so I am a little worried. By the label Lizard girl I mean that she has a few lizards, a lot of snakes, and some geckos....yay, she seems nice though...?
If anyone has some tips on the whole housing situation...ANYTHING, your input would be much appreciated.

"Breast is best."-on feeding your infants

All too true...

While reading the essay from Thomas Zengotita, "The Numbing of the American Mind," I could only agree with him. Yes, Americans have become numb to all the sensory perceptions that make us humans. With each passing day we are turning into robot like forms put on the conveyor belt of life. We can still make our own choices but how much of those actually come from the depths of your individuality? From what Zengotita explains, not a whole lot. The sad part is that it is inevitable. We are doomed to this way of life. There seems to be no going back. Once you are desensitized, have seen all there is to be seen, the worse of the worse; it's hard to imagine things ever going back. How much worse can it get? I fear that some day, soon, possibly we could live in uproar and total anarchy, that cannot be contained. We will all be swallowed up in our own mess of destruction.
Wow, pretty gloomy thought. I can only hope that it never gets that bad. It makes it hard for me to ever want to have children someday, which would be far from now, and try to raise them right in a world like this. I am pretty optimistic, you know, the glass is always half full. I think that if we all put in a little effort, stop thinking about ourselves, and star caring about what this world could come to; our extinction. They say that every great civilization there ever was, would one day collapse, leaving only traces of artifacts to piece together it's clues to how it was. Could it happen to us? Possibly, probably. If we all want to survive this thing called life, we must come together, we are humans, we don't have to be robots who are controlled and mechanicalized.
It could be a great existence. Each of us have such a short time here, we need to make it count. We need to leave our foundation of accomplishments for the next generations to come.

"Better than a thousand hollow words, is one word that brings peace."- Buddha