What a beautiful day God has given us. It is absolutely perfect, heavenly, utopias! I only have two more weeks as a freshman at UW-Madison. I really cannot understand how fast it has gone! College is such a marvelous experience. I want my future children to not have to miss out. You really find out who you are on the inside. I have realized how much high school suppresses that process because everyone is always telling you how to act and how to be. In college that all comes from within. It's quite the process...
Right now in my life I really want to settle down, perhaps find a guy I can call a boyfriend and grow to love inside and out. I do have a boyfriend, his name is Sam. I adored him in high school. Now we are finally together and it is not how I imagined or dreamed it to be. I am still trying to figure out what to do. I think he could still be hung up on his ex-girlfriend; his first love. However, I am still hung up on Jordan. I told him how much I want him back in my life despite the effects it could cause with his current girlfriend. I got to a point where I didn't feel it would matter, nothing matters besides us and how we feel about each other. (After I told him my feelings for our relationship, he said that he needed time (which I understand) and that he didn't want to be an ass to his present girlfriend because of the things they have going on in the immediate future. I responded by saying calmly, "I don't understand how you can hurt the one you love but not the one you really don't love. ) Now it is his turn to reciprocate physically. After all this time I find myself at the end, beginning, and duration of the day seeing no one else in my life but him. I always think of ways to get him back...the mature way. He is dating a girl who's name is ironically Sam. I know she doesn't love him like I do. She is smothering him,he feels stuck, unhappy. I know that if him and I were together again, it would be unstoppable, magical, perfect, real, pure, strong. I guess I am at a standstill in the "relationship department". I am really waiting for him. I hope for not much longer. There are a lot of hugs, kisses, and deep sleeps we need to catch up on.
I really miss my little brother Levi. He needs help; a way from my biological mother. If I could I would adopt him as my own and help him grow in a healthy, happy, and safe life. I would love him the way a child should be loved; unconditionally, eternally. there is an infinite amount of possibilities for a little guy like him. By him being with my biological mother, he is falling farther and farther from sanity and reality. I hope he had the same notion I had at his age; this is not how life should be. He is meant for something so much better. He has so much potential; he's smart, tough but kind, and considerate of others. The sweetest little boy you'd ever meet, but exponentially getting into habits that will turn him sour.
If I had him by me now, I would tell him I loved him, always had, always will. I would give him the biggest, most heartfelt hug. I would tell him that as long as he's with me nothing bad will happen to him, his safety and happiness would be my first and ultimate priority.
Love ya little guy!
Always,
"Heffer"
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1 comment:
I was Next Blogging around and came upon your post. I enjoyed it, and hope things work out between you and the guy you want. When I realized I was in love with the woman who would become my wife, I was dating her best friend and she'd just broken up with mine! And yet, things worked out. So go for it, and all the best.
PS - I totally agree with you about Taco Bell. Just give me two hard-shell regular tacos, fries with cheese sauce on them and a regular Dr. Pepper and I'm one happy camper.
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